Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize