the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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