It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
