Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
