Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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