Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
