I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
