Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
