I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
