I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
