marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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