yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
