woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
