My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
