I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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