There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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