I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
