I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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