Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
