we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
