My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
