she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
