Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
