I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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