i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You're like the curious george of whores
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
