walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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