I can text with my tongue
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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