she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
