Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
