my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
