Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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