Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
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Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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