but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
