Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
