I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
