In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
