now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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