How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
