oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
