she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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