just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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