I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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