she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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