Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
