I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
