i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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