My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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