Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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