Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize