I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize