I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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