I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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