life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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