You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
