what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
