can u get pink eye on your cock?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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