She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
