I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
