I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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