So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Of course I have a pirate flag
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
