I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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