i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
