i just google imaged poop.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I wear drunk well.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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