The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
