If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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