dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
