I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
