Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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